Has your idea of what makes a good friend changed as you’ve gotten older?
I AM MY BEST FRIEND!
The River of Life, the Changing Seasons of Friendship, and the Art of Being Comfortable with Yourself
There was a time when I believed that friendship meant having people around me. School friends, college friends, colleagues, neighbourhood friends, travelling companions and those special people with whom we shared our secrets, dreams, laughter and occasional tears.
I have had many friends in my life. Some were floating friends who crossed my path for a little while. Some became close friends, sharing a considerable part of my journey. A few became so familiar that their presence felt like a natural part of everyday life.
And I cherish all of them.
But life has an interesting way of rearranging relationships.
The River Never Stops Flowing
Imagine life as a great river.
As it travels, smaller streams join it. Some flow together for a short distance; others remain alongside it for years. Eventually, some separate, new ones join, and the river continues towards its destination.
Friendship is rather like this.
We meet people because our circumstances, interests and destinations happen to coincide. We study together, work together, share experiences and create memories. Then life gradually takes us in different directions.
Someone moves to another country. Someone becomes occupied with family responsibilities. Someone follows a different career or discovers a new circle of interests. Sometimes, without disagreement or bitterness, two people simply become less involved in each other’s everyday lives.
There is nothing necessarily wrong with that. It is the natural movement of life.
We should not measure friendship exclusively by its duration or frequency of communication. Some people remain in our lives for decades without becoming truly close, while others leave an unforgettable impression through a relatively brief association.
Duration measures time. It does not always measure depth.
Every Friendship Has Its Own Value
Not every friend enters our lives for the same reason.
Some bring laughter and light-hearted moments. Others become companions in our ambitions, adventures and intellectual pursuits. A few offer understanding when we need it most.
Some friendships belong to childhood, others to youth, professional life or a particular chapter of our personal journey.
Think of the changing seasons of a tree. Spring brings new leaves, summer offers shade, autumn brings beautiful colours, and winter prepares the tree for another cycle.
We do not complain that spring does not last forever. We appreciate it while it is here.
Perhaps relationships deserve the same understanding.
A friendship need not remain unchanged to remain meaningful. We can appreciate what someone contributed to our lives without demanding that the relationship continue exactly as it once did.
A Beautiful Lesson from The Little Prince
There is a lovely lesson about friendship in Antoine de Saint-Exupéry’s world-famous book, The Little Prince.
In the story, the Little Prince meets a fox. As they spend time together, the fox explains something beautiful about friendship: when we give someone our time, attention and affection, that person gradually becomes special to us.
The fox asks the Little Prince to tame him. Here, taming does not mean controlling or owning someone. It means building a bond of trust and affection.
The fox explains that before they became friends, they were just two strangers to each other. But once they developed a bond, their relationship became unique. The fox would recognise the Little Prince among thousands of other people, and the Little Prince would have a special reason to remember the fox.
The fox shares one of the most memorable lines in the book:
“You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed.”
The Little Prince also begins to understand why his rose is so precious to him. There may be thousands of roses in the world, but his rose is special because he has cared for her, spent time with her and developed a bond with her.
Isn’t that true of friendship too?
We may meet hundreds of people throughout our lives, but only some become truly special. It is the shared moments, affection, trust and experiences that give those relationships their value.
And even when life takes us in different directions, what we shared does not become worthless.
Some friendships may change with time, but the memories and meaning they leave behind can remain with us forever.
The Freedom of Letting Life Happen
One of the signs of emotional maturity is accepting that people and relationships evolve.
We sometimes expect friendships to remain exactly as they were ten or twenty years ago. But the person we were at twenty may have entirely different priorities at forty or sixty.
Our responsibilities change, our perspectives mature, and our interests evolve. The same is true of our friends.
Why should we expect every relationship to remain frozen in time?
We can remember someone fondly without expecting them to return. We can wish someone well without being part of their everyday life. We can preserve beautiful memories without demanding a continuation of the past.
This is not indifference. It is acceptance.
A meaningful relationship does not become meaningless simply because its circumstances change.
Discovering the Joy of One’s Own Company
When familiar companions become less available, we may find ourselves spending more time alone.
How we respond to that change matters.
Being alone and being lonely are not the same. Loneliness can be painful, particularly when meaningful connection is missing. But solitude can also become an opportunity to rediscover ourselves.
There is something refreshing about enjoying a cup of tea in silence, taking a walk without waiting for company, reading a book that stimulates our curiosity, or simply sitting peacefully with our thoughts.
We can explore interests we had postponed, learn something new, travel independently and appreciate the little pleasures of everyday life.
We can also become more comfortable with our own imperfections, acknowledge our mistakes and recognise our achievements without waiting for external approval.
The Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius, in Meditations, reflects on the importance of inner discipline and finding stability within one’s own mind.
His reflections remind us that although we cannot control every external circumstance, we can work towards mastering our responses to it.
This does not mean withdrawing from people. It means developing an inner stability that allows us to participate in relationships freely, rather than depending on them for our entire sense of happiness.
Ātmārāma (आत्माराम): When Joy Comes from Within
Here is where an ancient Sanskrit expression takes this reflection to a deeper philosophical level.
Ātmārāma (आत्माराम) refers to one whose joy is in the Self — one who finds delight in the true Self and is inwardly content.
The Aṣṭāvakra Gītā, an important text of Advaita Vedānta, expresses this profound idea.
In the words of the passage:
“He whose joy is in himself (ātmārāma), and who is peaceful and pure within, has no desire for renunciation or sense of loss in anything.”
— Aṣṭāvakra Gītā
What a remarkable thought!
We spend much of our lives searching for happiness outside ourselves — in friendships, relationships, recognition, achievements and possessions.
There is nothing wrong with enjoying these things. They enrich human life.
But if our entire happiness depends on their continued presence, every change in our circumstances can disturb our peace.
Ātmārāma points towards something deeper: an inward contentment that is not dependent on external conditions.
It is not about rejecting friendship, avoiding relationships or becoming indifferent to the world. It is about discovering a deeper source of fulfilment within oneself.
Perhaps there is an important distinction here.
Learning to be our own best friend is a beautiful step towards self-acceptance. Discovering Ātmārāma takes that understanding further, towards the spiritual realisation of the true Self.
We can love people without possessing them, enjoy company without fearing solitude, and accept life’s changing circumstances without losing our inner balance.
The ultimate freedom is not in having everything remain as we wish, but in discovering a peace that does not depend on everything doing so.
The Final Thought
Looking back, I realise that I have been fortunate to have many friends.
Some travelled with me for a short distance. Some walked beside me for years. Some remain close, while others have become beautiful memories.
I have no complaints.
Each had its own time and value in my life. I am grateful for the laughter, experiences, lessons and memories they brought along.
The river of life continues to flow. I welcome those who walk alongside me, cherish those who remain, and remember those whose paths have taken a different direction.
I have learnt that friendship enriches life, but my happiness need not depend entirely on the presence of friends.
After all, there is one lifelong companion who has been with me through every chapter, every mistake, every achievement, every disappointment and every new beginning.
Myself.
And perhaps it is time I appreciated that friendship a little more.
That’s the best answer! ❤️
“I am my best friend!”
As we grow older, we realise that friendship is beautiful, but self-friendship is essential.
I can enjoy my own company, trust myself, celebrate my little victories, learn from my mistakes, and stand by myself through difficult times.
I don’t need to wait for someone else to make me happy.
The most important friendship of my life is the one I have with myself. ❤️
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